(this picture just cracks me up)
Well I do have plans for Thanksgiving after all and many thanks to
Shell for inviting us to Houston! I talked it over with Carrie and she,Casey (her sister),Brittany and my oldest sister Kathy (their Mom) and their other sister Kelly and her husband Bruce and kids Kelsey, Hailey & Gavin will be coming to my house. That will be very nice to be with family after all. I got my turkey last night so it has a chance to thaw. Stacy usually fries a turkey but this year we are going to roast one. Carrie is already mapping out the plans (she's so good at it!) and will come over to clean my house tonight.
Okay this is something I just have to "get out of my head". I could talk to Stacy about it (because there is nothing I can't talk to him about) but I don't know if he'll understand where i'm coming from so i'll just unload here - Lucky Y'all right?
It is getting to where I don't like going to my Mother-In-Laws. It's her. She is such a negative woman. I am pretty sure Stacy doesn't see it because she doesn't talk to him as much as she does me but every time I am down there I hear the same things about the same people over and over and over. I can practically quote her now. Don't get me wrong, I do my share of 'talking about people'. We all do it whether it's intentional or unintentional. It's to the point now where I think my mouth would drop open in surprise if she said something NICE about someone. Seriously. The last few times I was there I spent time away from the house, went shopping but still the time I was with her was, well, draining. Never mind i've heard all this last visit - she'll repeat the same thing on the same visit!
I DREAD going down for Christmas. She is so apathetic about the family celebration that I wonder why we all even bother (I guess for the kiddos). The deal is, we all buy for the children and then buy "stocking stuffers" for everyone. This is not just actual stocking stuffer but we usually end up with wal mart bags full of stuff. When Stacy and I were first married it was so much fun. Lots of silly fun stuff and some really nice gifts as well. You could tell THOUGHT went in to them. My biggest pet peeve is not putting thought into a gift. I don't care if it cost $1 if I know you truly thought about whether I would like it, is it appropriate then that is what matters. The MIL pretty much goes out the day OF (sometimes the day before) our family celebration to Wal Mart and buys toiletries etc, the same things. There is nothing personal except she does bother to find out what brand you use. This just flies all over me. She's done it for YEARS. Even before my FIL got sick so she doesn't get a pass for that either. I don't know I am just so over her lately. I am afraid this may be the year I speak up and say "Why do we even bother?". It's not my place, I am an in-law and I know this but i'm about fed up as I can possibly be. *sigh*
WOW. Dunno what to say for this one. Best thing is to just tell Stacy in a calm way what you just wrote. Maybe in the future there could be less visits. I disliked my mother in law also but mostly I felt bad for her for being the way she was. Now she is old and I think out of it as my ex tells me.
So glad that you have plans for Thanksgiving! :)
I just deal with those types of people (my own mother included) as little as I have to. I have no suggestions for the Christmas issue as I would probably not say anything so as not to "rock the boat." But then again, you're probably not the only one in the family feeling that way. Maybe you should just bring it up to a few people besides MIL first and see how they respond.
Probably won't be online tomorrow, so I hope you have a GREAT Turkey Day! :)
Damn it! I cleaned the apartment, got out the inflatable bed and EVERYTHING. Okay...I didn't...I was working on my paper. Besides, the Boyfriend snores like a train so you probably would not have had fun.
You could just say "Don't you have anything NICE to say about people". Or maybe she's got Alzheimer's because Boyfriend's Mom was like that (telling us the same story over and over even though we heard it a million times) before she had her diagnosis. But I suspect Stacy's Mom is a little young for that diagnosis.
She probably just needs to get out more. My Mom was Little Miss Cranky pants until she started joining her quilting guilds and stuff like that. Now she's a happy camper.
I know what you mean about the cost/the thought put into gifts. A funny joke gift or a cheap little gift that reminds us of something is WORLDS better than something that makes you go "Huh??"
Do you go to her place for the *whole* holiday? I personally think it is important for children, especially the little ones like Madison and until about age 6, 7, or 8 to have as many Christmas' as possible AT HOME. Now that might mean you opening your hope to relatives for the family event, but why not? If Maddy picks up on your disappointment (and I know you're careful, but children are amazingly perceptive) the it may spoil it for her.
I also think Manblogger may have a point. I wonder if she is"losing it." One of the first signs of deep depression or senility is apathy. It doesn't change how it makes you feel, but perhaps it might help you to get through it if you understand that she is distancing without knowing it. And be prepared ... if this is it, Stacy will probably have a LOT of trouble accepting it. Any of us would.
Hugs, sweetheart. Try to smile through it!
Boy I sure can relate to this. Mrs. Brady is the thorn in my side. She never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything. She could spoil a picnic. I can't stand being around people like that either. My mother repeats the same stories over and over again. Makes me wonder if Man has a point. Maybe it is senility?????
I have this in my family - on my own side! Negativity and apathy really grates on your nerves.
For the holiday try to interact with the other family members. Limit your time being around just her. See if that helps.
And yeah ummm Mr. Cheeky's dad started with saying the same thing over and over but that was when we were in HS and he was in his late 30's and early 40's. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers at 55. So it can happen at any time although it doesn't sound like this is the case in your situation yet.
Oh man, don't speak up...you will just open a can of worms you can't close again. I know where you are coming from. My MIL drives me nuts (bad cook to) and yet every Thanksgiving we go to her house so she can destroy perfectly good food. I have never told Husband her cooking sucks...Do you think he would notice if we stopped off at McD's before we get there?;)
Ugh. My mother-in-law (now ex) only talked about one thing...money. I got so tired of her I cringed everytime she walked in the door!
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!!!
'Tis the season!
I swear my family is the reason I drink (at least during the holidays) hmmm.....my excuse for the rest of the year, I'm gonna have to get back to you on that one.
hey patti, glad go see you're gonna have a houseful of people tomorrow. maddie's gonna love it! that should be fun. on the other stuff, i'm sending you an email. mmmkay?
See, that's hard.
I am totally with you on the thought of the gift thing. I could not give one good shit how much crap costs. Go buy me a 5.99 book and if you truly think "Damn, that bitch would LOVE this" I am thrilled. It shows you pay attention. Just show that you went to a store or whatever and thought about me and my likes and dislikes and bought accordingly. I hate thoughtless gifts. At that point, I am like "Ya know, if this is such an obligation for you, I will so let you off the hook - don't bother."
It's hard when it's fam though. Really hard. And yeah, sadly we can't vent to our hubs about their families because typically they don't see stuff like we might. Or else they are unreasonable and like me where I can say what I want about MY family but don't you say it. LOLOLOL. Makes no sense but you know what I mean. Like I know my sister is a bit over the top and a big crunchy with her points of view but if my hubs every bitched about her being too crunchy, I'd be like "Man up bitch, we are fighting."
This is getting long.
Anyways, my advice is to just smile politely and then complain to us. I mean, that's what I do. Just sit there and in your head go "This is gonna make one hell of a blog post and the internets will so see now why I drink my way through the holidays."
Wait, is that just me?
I'm sorry I haven't been around in a few days.. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.. I'm trying to catch up with my blog reading..bunches of hugs....
Ditto what Cheeky said!! Just avoid her and do your best. You should try to talke to Stacy, though, nicely. Have a good Thanksgiving and hope it's nice for you. Take care - Kellan
You probably do have to think of it all as 'for the kiddos' and expect less of the whole event. If she is repeating the same stories over and over it does make you wonder if her memory is starting to go. Mind you I have a friend in her 30s, who frequently launches into stories I've already heard, and when I say, "Oh yeah you told me about this!" but she still always tells the whole thing again.
I hope you, Stacey and Madison have a wonderful Thanksgiving. And I love that picture. You know I would dress up Sophie and one of the cats if they would let me. How in the world they got that dog and cat to do that is beyond me.
Anyway..Happy Thanksgiving my friend.
Oh that sux! I hope you make it through without the fight...you don't need her to have ammo for next yr. since you still have to deal with her.
Good luck with that, we will be waiting to hear how it goes.
My mom always made me come over when her weird brother's wife was visiting...I am so happy to live 2500 miles away to avoid all of it.
S
Have a drink or five before you head over to the MIL's. It'll turn her complaining into white noise.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Hi Patti: Remember Al Pacino's quote to the kid he hired for the weekend in "Scent of a Woman"? He asked about the boys homelife and after the kid told him, he said "Well Charlie, there's one in every family". Although in mine there are 4. But I'll be moved within a week so I'm spared. I'd seriously take yourself to a bookstore. There has to be a book on how to deal with these situations. I'm serious. You would be a BLAST at any party, Patti!!! :D
SOME TIMES I THINK WE SHOULD ALL JUST INVITE SOME HOMELESS PEOPLE OVER FOR THANKSGIVING. I KNOW THEY WOULD APPRECIATE A NICE HOT MEAL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS.
Hey!Sometimes it's really hard to think of what somebody wants. How the hell would I know what they want? I'm a guy! I can't read minds. And forget trying to give me hints - Remeber, I'm a guy! It's the greatest excuse.
I have a couple of close relatives like yout MIL in my famioly.
Always negative and judgmental about other people and they are spotless in charactor.
It wears you down after awhile.
I agree with Southern Fried Girl, that there really isn't a lot you can do about someone's gift-giving habits and not being able to comunicate this to family. If you feel like others feel the same way, the time might be ripe to suggest a different approach. It sounds to me like M-I-L is trying, but is a bit overwhelmed. I come from a family, where we often got toiletries in our stockings. Grandma considered it practical, and was very proud of being able to pinch a penny as far as possible. If she's actually making sure to get the right brand, she IS thinking of you. I don't read your blog often enough to know if M-I-L is involved with other activities (and thus has the common excuse of no time), or whatever. But some people just aren't that creative, when it comes to gift-giving. I'd say assume you're going to get some "gifts" you won't really like, and just accept the reality of the situation
I know what you mean about the negativity. People don't see it in themselves. Sometimes we just want to vent. But hearing the same negative stories/gossip over and over again IS draining. Like Sandra said, you can gently remind her that she's already told you that, and if she DOES have her faculties, perhaps she'll move on to another topic.
Another possibility (besides trying not to spend much time one-on-one with her when you're there) is to keep trying to change the subject to something more upbeat, ask her questions about things she likes, things that make her smile, in effect steer the conversation towards anything else, if possible.
If she's getting Alzheimer's well, that would suck--but perhaps it would make it a little easier to take because of the "she can't help it" factor.
When my husband and I got married and moved far away from family to go to graduate school, we started having our OWN celebrations. We couldn't afford to go back for Thanksgivings and Christmases--and consequently we're happy spending them together with our kids and forming our own happy traditions, including other friends sometimes. Now that we can afford cross-country travel, we still see our families every year or two. But on our terms, and not during the "holidays." I guess when you live close enough to drive, you don't get as much say in the matter, huh?
I consider one and all should look at it.
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