To the fat azz in the other Dept. Um, I don't mind if you come over and break bread with us but please try to wait until everyone in my group fixes a plate. And yeah, it's kinda bad form to make a big-ass-food-falling-off-the-plate take home.

To the tech guy who keeps asking me about my computer and "the move". I am not in charge of the move. I will be in Milwaukee when said move takes place. Take your monkey ass somewhere else because if you come by my desk one more time and ask the same damn question you will walk away with a paper clip in your eye. Seriously.

To the dweeb who thinks it's amusing to run around with the mail cart and ask people "Do you want a ride? Do ya?". Not funny. In fact, quite pathetic.

To whomever is walking around here with JINGLE BELLS tied to their freaking tennis shoes. Hey, I am as festive as the next person (witness my snowman tapestry jacket I am wearing today) but those things are working my last nerve and making my eye twitch. You would do well to remove them. Quickly.

To the sad person who gave "J" a half used bottle of lotion for the Secret Santa Swap. Dude. You have made me laugh my ass off today. I must thank you.