It's not easy, really a moment by moment thing. I can be okay, and then suddenly 'she's gone and you'll never see or talk to her again on this earth' will slap me in the face.
Everyone has losses. I realize that but this one, this is the 'big one' for me.
I talked to my Mamma about everything. I used to cry just THINKING about her dying and now it has happened and I just don't know what to do?
It breaks my heart when I talk to my Dad because I can tell, he's trying to be brave and soldier on but he's as bewildered as I am.
It just seems unreal....... like someone is going to wake me up ....
or that she is just away somewhere and will be back soon.
My sisters and I are going through some of her things this week-end. I am truly dreading that. Dad is going to keep the house as is, because it's 'home' and I don't blame him there. But we have to go through her jewelry, shoes, clothes, accessories.
I can't wear any of her shoes and clothes but I am going to keep the monogrammed sweatshirt I had made for her for Christmas some years ago because she loved it and wore it all the time. Also if no one else claims it i'm getting her leopard coat, maybe I can have it altered down to fit. I can't let that go to a stranger.
So anyway this is my update.
Thank you all for the continued prayers and kind words. It means alot!
I know with time, and love and patience of Stacy and my family I will be okay.
