As most of you know, I lost my precious Mamma on January 25 of this year.
Still having a hard time dealing. Her ashes are in a beautiful urn at my Dad's. He says it brings him comfort having her there with him.
It doesn't do a thing for me.
I know he talks to 'her' alot.
I tried it and only felt like a retard talking to a box.
No connection, no 'feeling her' at all :(
Sometimes when I am busy and in the daily routine I am fine.
Then some pictures will pop up on my computer and it is like a shock remembering all over again that she's not here. She's just not here.
I won't - can't - let myself fully think about her. She'll come into my mind and I quickly push the thought away. Too painful. Cannot face it full on. Not yet.
It's been especially hard these past two weeks but I know it's because of the milestones in Maddie's life. Her 4K graduation. Her dance recital. Mom really love that Maddie was taking dance. She would have loved those tap steps.
I still think about when we took Madison to the hospital that Sunday. Mom's big smile and telling the Nurse that I was HER baby and that Maddie is MY baby. Her youngest grandchild, all of the others are in their 20"s and older.
Lord that woman got a kick out of Madison, the things she says and does. She will miss so much now. She'll never see her start 'big school'. Never saw her play a ballgame. (but I can hear her yelling "Go Maddie"!),
Okay I am making myself super sad and those thoughts are really flitting around so time to shoo them away and go find something to do.
~Monogram Queen
Too Salty for my Own Good
8 years ago
Oh honey. I know those feelings so, so well. I would tell you it gets easier with time but that's a lie. It doesn't. There are some days I miss my mom so much I can hardly breathe. But what does happen is it gets a little less painful when you think of her and, once the first full year has made its round, the hurt isn't quite so soul shattering.
Feel what you need to feel. We're all right here to catch you.
Big hugs!
I know it's hard, kiddo. My mom has been on my mind a lot these last couple of weeks too. I think it was because of Memorial DAy. We always went to the cemeteries together and planted flowers.
Jim and I visited her grave this past week and put a wreath there. I cannot believe she's been gone 14 years. Sometimes it seems like yesterday.
As much as it hurts, try to remember the fun things about her and enjoy them. It's true that it gets easier with time. It's all those firsts that are killers.
~hippo hugs~
All my empathy and big hugs, P -
I know it is painful, but I'm glad you have the wonderful memories of her and Maddie. Heaven forbid she had not been so close. You have that for the rest of your life, sweet girl!
My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine how I would feel if I lost my mom. I do believe in angels and I'm sure you mom was there for every moment.
::hug::
It hasn't been that long, my dear---it is still so fresh, this loss....Missing your Mom---I understand--I truly do. How wonderful that Maddie meant so much to her and that you did, too.
I send you (((((HUGS))))).
I am so sorry you are missing your mom and I don;t blame you.
Our parents play such a big roll in our lives and when we loose one or both its like a chunk of our soul was ambulated with them.
She will always be in your heart and mind as she watches Maddie grow through your eyes
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