Warning long post ahead

Just wanted to touch base and first off say THANK YOU for the beautiful plant sent to me by my "blogger buddies".
I have to confess ignorance when it comes to most flowers and plants names but I will find out how to care for it! It is still at my Dad's but I will bring it to it's forever home tomorrow.
There was SO much going on today, it was unreal.
Just when I think people suck, I get a reminder from God that it's just not so.
The outpouring of love, prayer and kindness has just been overwhelming not just for me but for my whole family.
Monday was just - a nightmare.
I don't mind sharing because really, it's cathartic for me to talk about it.
My Mom was diagnosed with pneumonia last week.
She was home on antibiotics all week and on Saturday morning my sister called me and said they were taking Mom by ambulance to Carolina Pines Hospital over here in Hartsville, which is where Madison was born, ironically.
I was like "WTF?" because for my Mother to go in an ambulance, it's serious.
She did NOT like fanfare or attention. At all.
Stacy, Maddie & I raced over there and got there at the exact same time they did.
We sat in the waiting room of the ER with my Dad and two sisters, Kathy & Bonnie.
Finally we were able to go back and see her.
She was comfortable, with oxygen in her nose and doing better.
She had gotten short of breath at the house and just could not catch her breath. Scary.
We knew they would be admitting her but it would be awhile as the hospital was at capacity.
We went home and later on I went back up by myself so Dad could go home and get some stuff that was needed by her. Mom did NOT want to be left alone at all.
I was glad to be there.
While I was there she was assigned a room so I went with the orderly and they got her moved to the bed.
When Dad got there he asked the nurse if he could get a blanket because Mom was not staying by herself. They got him a cot (bed really, it had a thick mattress and the nurse made it up all comfy with two pillows etc.). They REALLY went out of their way and Mom was very happy and so was he.
They had a rough night but me, Stac & Mad went back on Sunday.
Madison was a little scared of Mom with the oxygen mask on (she had to have the face mask now) and everything else hooked up to her, but it didn't take her long to make her way over and start talking to her and asking questions.
We took her a vase of roses and she loved it, she loves roses.
We stayed quite awhile and i'm so glad we did.
Stacy is, especially also as that was his last time seeing her.
Her doctor came in on Sunday and was concerned she wasn't responding to treatment so they were calling in a Lung Specialist the next day (Monday).
She could not even FEED HERSELF, she just could not breathe and any exertion worsened it.
My sisters and I talked and we agreed that someone needed to be there to talk to the Specialist and ask questions etc because neither Mom nor Dad say a word.
They also can't half remember what the doctor said either. Not going to cut it.
So... my sister Bonnie was going to be there (she doesn't work) and she really wanted some back-up too in case there were some decisions to be made etc.
Sometimes we have to gang up on Pop :) (what everyone calls my Dad).
I wrestled a little bit because I have missed a good bit of work lately with mine and Madison's health issues but in the end decided to follow my instincts and be there with my sister. Boy i'm glad I did.

Stacy (God Bless him, he is the best) got Maddie dressed and off to school and I was ready even before 7a.m. when Bonnie came. (my family likes to kid me that i'd be late for my own funeral - and YES I was late for Mom's) :P
Anyway we got there and were talking to Mom and Dad.
She had a pretty good night and was in good spirits.
Dad left to go home and take a shower and do some stuff and we spent all morning with Mom and had a good time talking.
The nurse told Mom the doctor wanted her to start PT (physical therapy) by moving from the bed to a recliner chair.
She was eager to do it, as she had not been out of the bed since Saturday.
She did well moving to the recliner, sat in it for about two hours, ate lunch.
Dad came back when she just finished her lunch and they were going to move her from the chair back to the bed.
We stepped out while they did and when we came back in she struggling for breath. Dad told the nurse and she said it was to be expected because of the exertion but after a few moments we said "No, this is something more we want someone in here NOW".
She called in the resperitory specialist and when he saw the shape she was in all hell broke loose.
Bonnie and I backed into the corner and I saw Dad over her and heard him say "Don't leave me, Don't leave me", me and Bonnie burst into tears - we were confused and scared and I looked at Mom and I said "Bonnie - her lips are turning blue" and then one of the techs said we had to leave and as we walked to the end of the hallway Dad said "She was gone".
We were like "No, what are you talking about? She'll be okay they just have to get her breathing regulated".
We huddled together crying (I can count on one hand how many times I have saw my father cry with several fingers to spare) and the resp. tech. came out and said "They are working on her, just keep praying" so we did.
After what seemed an hour but was in reality only a short few minutes a nurse came down and said why didn't we go down to the family waiting room until the Doctor came in. Dad said "This doesn't sound good".
I called our other sister Kathy and my brother who both live here and told them to come up to the Hospital right away. Dad called my Mom's baby brother and told him the same. Then Doctor "A" came in, he got down on one knee and said "I'm so sorry".
That is the moment my whole world stood absolutely still.
My Father gasped and Bonnie and I started crying softly.
We were just staring at each other, I don't know what my face looked like but theirs both looked like they had just been hit - very hard. They looked stunned. There were no hysterics.
The poor Doctor, he stammered and tried to compose himself (I have NEVER saw a doctor lose their composure and i'm not saying this as a bad reflection on him at all, please bear that in mind).
Even though I was reeling from the shock I will never, ever forget that man's face and I will never forget his exact words.
He said "I don't, I don't understand what happened.
I did not expect this.
She seemed to be better earlier and did so well with her PT".
Bonnie said she thought Mom had congestive heart failure and he said he could state absolutely it was not that.
Her fluid levels were actually better today.
He said they had gotten her breathing regulated but then her heart stopped.
They worked on her for about a half hour before he knew it was no use.
He said it was either a blood clot or a heart attack. She didn't have a history of coronary problems but honestly, I do believe it was a heart attack.
Her Mother (My beloved Gram) died of a heart attack at the exact same age and about the same time of day. Isn't that weird?
We thanked him, because we knew he had done all he could, it was simply her time to go.
As he was walking away my sister Kathy stepped off the elevator and said "What's going on is Mom worse?" and Dad said "Mom didn't make it" and poor Kathy just went down on her knees. OMG I am crying as I type this but it's a good cry. Healing tears.
I know this.
She was saying "I knew I should have come today, I knew I should have come" and we said "No, none of us had ANY idea this would happen".
I am SO.VERY.GRATEFUL that I did take the time from work and spend my Mamma's last day with her.
I told her I loved her several times (something I do because I am known as the loving, tenderhearted one in the family and those of you who know my bitchy sarcastic side quit laughing!)
My Uncle came in and he broke down when Dad told him the sad news. He was also disbelieving.
It was like a slow moving nightmare. Every person we told just pulled away or resisted the words. It was just too unreal - couldn't happen.
Heck I felt the same way and I experienced it.
Still as I sit here it is unbelievable to me that I can't call my Mamma on the phone and tell her about the beautiful plant y'all sent and ask her how to care for it.
I told her everything - she was my confidant, she was my cheerleader, my sounding board for my rotten work situation, she ran interference with my Dad when needed
(i.e. give the baby whatever it is she wants - yes even at 43 I was definitely still her baby). She had told the new nurse that came on shift Monday morning that I was 'her baby'. I am proud to have been and always WILL be her baby.
I will miss her for the rest of my life, and just like my father-in-law grieve especially because Madison will never really get to know two of her wonderful grandparents.
But............she is lucky because she loves my Dad and he loves her. You all know how she is the moon and the stars to Stacy's Mom. I told her yesterday when they came for the funeral that she was the only Mom I have left here with me now and it's true. But I am truly blessed, for having been my Mother's daughter, for having the wonderful, wonderful family and friends to help me through this.
My family has really pulled together and my Dad said he is so proud and that makes my heart soar with joy
........................ even as it is breaking.